There's a TV stand in the corner of your living room. On top of the TV is a big, round, transparent bowl filled with water and one tiny goldfish. This is exactly what my living room looked like... at least three days ago! And then bam! I killed my Goldfish. God bless it's tiny soul and save me from hell for committing the unintended murder!
If you ever need lessons to kill your goldfish, then I think the first stop should be me. I can give you ideas. Trust me on that, I have years of experience! Great thing to put on my resumé I tell you! So let me give you a few sample lessons!
Lesson number 1: Food!
Keep it simple and feed your fish. Keep feeding it out of love. And keep on feeding it. I assure you it will die of over-eating! Go ahead and blame it on your love for the fish!
Lesson number 2: A companion
You think your fish is lonely in its glass bowl. You feel so much for it that you decide that it needs some company. You go to the local pet store and pick up salmon or tuna. Lo behold! your goldfish has vanished within the other. You can search for it in the belly of your new salmon/tuna fish!
Lesson number 3: Some sun for the fish
Keep the bowl in the sun for sometime. Let the fish get its share of sunlight and warmth. Just be a little prepared to come back after a while and see all the water in the bowl dried up with your fish lying at the bottom - motionless. Quite a lot of sun it got there!
Lesson number 4: Have a kid around
Just leave a kid loose near the fish bowl and you can see the havoc wreaking right before your eyes. The bowl will be on the floor broken and the fish in the little demon's hands struggling to breathe. Little does the child understand that the goldfish is your pet albeit a very small one and that it is not a plaything!
Lesson number 5: A busy day
Your calendar is full. You do not have time even for yourself. You have been running around all day and come back home and just crash in your bed. Next morning you will just find the mortal remains of a being called the 'Goldfish'. Very effective this method (and the most commonly occurring phenomenon in these times as well).
Lesson number 6: Clumsiness
Just walk past your fish bowl and with the slightest of movements touch it without meaning to. You can watch as in a slow-motion sequence, the bowl tilt first to the left and then to the right, the water splashing over, and then in fast forward - it crashing to the floor before you can blink your eyes. The glass shatters into a million pieces and your goldfish is flopping about helplessly gulping in its last few breaths of oxygen. And before you can get a pan filled with water, your fish, well.. its gone already!
These are but just a few samples. There are many more drastic ways with which you can commit this heinous crime unwittingly and unknowingly! It happens purely out of love for the fish. Your love brims over and takes hold over you and you cannot help but do these things. Just make sure that you do not do it deliberately. Else, you would not be labeled a nice, warm, loving person at all. I can think of much more harsher words for you otherwise!
Do not kill the fish intentionally! Its great to have something to care for.
All you need is three things - A fishbowl, a Goldfish and a big heart filled with lots of love.
CK Z
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