Install Love, It Is Really Quite Simple

This is an article I came across while reading THE SPEAKING TREE column, Times of India newspaper. I found it worth sharing to all this world.

Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you? 

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process? 

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready, as long as you walk me through the steps. Tell me now, what do I do first? 

Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programmes running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: Er... what programmes are running, can you list them for me?

Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, you can go right ahead. Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programmes.

Love will eventually override Low Self-esteem with a module of its own called High Self-esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programmes prevent Love from being properly installed.

Tell me, can you turn those off?

Customer: Umm... let me see. Actually, I don't know how to turn them off. Can yo tell me how? Please help.

Tech Support: With pleasure. It's really quite simple. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done! Wow, Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base programme. It's quite basic. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, 'Error - Programme not run on external components.' What should I do now?

Tech support: Don't worry, relax. It means that the Love programme is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.

Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Pull down Self-acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive Self; Realise Your Worth; and Acknowledge Your Limitations.

Customer: Okay, done. That wasn't too difficult.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the 'My Heart' directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smiles is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to pass it and its various modules around to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you. 

Enjoy Love!  

PS: It's freeware :) Share it with everyone you meet.

Why supreme court calls 498a as "Legal Terrorism"?

What an idea

People don’t know what Section 498A of the IPC is nor do  they know what to do when a 498A case is registered  against them. I hope to shed some light on what this law is really about, the effects it will have on you and your family and how to survive this ordeal.

What is 498a:

Passed by Indian Parliament in 1983, Indian Penal Code 498A, is a criminal law (not a civil law) which is defined as follows,

“Whoever, being the husband or the relative of the husband of a woman, subjects such woman to cruelty shall be punished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to three years and shall also be liable to fine. The offence is Cognizable, non-compoundable and non-bailable. 

do visit 498a.org for real victim stories

How are you at risk and why it is dangerous for the society?

Your wife/daughter-in-law who's demands are not met can make a written false complaint of dowry harassment to a nearby police station. The husband, his old parents and relatives are immediately arrested without sufficient investigation and put behind bars on a non-bailable terms. Even if the complaint is false, you shall be presumed guilty until you prove that you are innocent.

498a can only be invoked by wife/daughter-in-law or her relative. Most cases where Sec 498A is invoked turn out to be false (as repeatedly accepted by High Courts and Supreme Court in India) as they are mere blackmail attempts by the wife (or her close relatives) when faced with a strained marriage. In most cases 498a complaint is followed by the demand of huge amount of money (extortion) to settle the case out of the court. This section is non-bailable(you have to appear in court and get bail from the judge), non-compoundable (complaint can't be withdrawn) and cognizable (register and investigate the complaint, although in practice most of the time arrest happens before investigation). There have been countless instances where, without any investigation, the police has arrested elderly parents, unmarried sisters, pregnant sister-in-laws and even 3 year old children. In these cases unsuspecting family of husband has to go through a lot of mental torture and harassment by the corrupt Indian legal system. A typical case goes on for years (5-7 years is typical) and the conviction rate is about 2% only. Some accused parents, sisters and even husbands have committed suicide after time in jail.

498a is an extortion racket

In legal terms, 498A is an offence, which is:

•  Cognizable: Offences are divided into cognizable and non-cognizable. By law, the police are duty bound to

register and investigate a cognizable offence. 498A is a cognizable offence.

•  Non-Bailable: There are two kinds of offences, bailable and non-bailable. 498A is non bailable. This means

that the magistrate has the power to refuse bail and remand you to judicial or police custody.

•  Non-Compoundable: A non-compoundable case, e.g. Rape, 498A etc, cannot be withdrawn by the

petitioner. The exception is in the state of Andhra Pradesh, where 498A was made compoundable.

In actual terms, 498A is an offence, which is:

•  Cognizable: The police will register a 498A case since it is required by law, but they don’t investigate but go on to arrest people because of the money to be made in bribes from both sides in a 498A case.

Non-Bailable: Since bail is at the discretion of the magistrate, all sorts of games will be played to have families

locked up while negotiations go on to settle the case. This may happen in cases where the magistrates are

allegedly corrupt or, the public prosecutor and the cops are in cahoots.

•  Non-Compoundable: Though 498A is non compoundable, the courts are allowing the withdrawal of the case

when the parties agree to reconcile or settle case. In real terms, if you pay up, the case goes away. If you don’t

you’ll get stuck with a criminal case that will go on for years.

Source:498a.org (do visit)

How to kill yourself

Disclaimer:The following article is intended for fun only do not try the below ways (try to be innovative)... and the views expressed in the article are not mine.these are collected from various other sites...

Funniest ways to die..

1.The Ultima

Arguably one of the coolest ways to off yourself.

1.Obtain a skill saw.

2.Plug in.

3.Using duct tape, tape open the blade guard and tape down the triggers. This will turn on the saw.

4.Slowly move the saw into your neck.

5.Snuff it.

Bonus points for doing it in a public area. A very large bonus if you manage to decapitate yourself. Children should always be involved in this method.

2.The Flying Taliban

1.Get a bomb belt with height detecting detonator.

2.Find a high public building in your city.

3.Get on the roof of it.

4.Set your bomb to detonate at about 30-50 meters above the ground level.

5.Wait for a crowd to gather.

Jump. You will provide a rain of intestines and blood for the crowd, providing joy to all. Bonus for falling in Superman fashion and/or extra bonus for having an airplane transformer suit.

If the police somehow get you before you manage to jump, you will still blow up when they escort you downstairs and leave a mess of bloody remains on the staircase or elevator. This is a win-win technique.

3.The Standing

By far one of the more ballsy methods to off your self by, so simple in theory yet so hard to do correctly. To perform the perfect standing suicide you stand on any flat surface, jump, rotate 180 degree in mid-air, thus landing on the top of the head breaking the neck. This method can be used at anytime anywhere. Boss fires your ass , standing suicide. Wife leaves your for your best friend, standing suicide. Ipod goes missing, you get the point. Along with the obvious benefits, the standing suicide also gives a big  to anybody who has jumped from a 30ft building and failed to die.

However, this method is does not carry a 100% success rate. 5% at best. Results may differ depending on weight and height.

4.The Note

It is very important to write a good suicide note full of lulz. Otherwise, nobody will know why you decided to off yourself -- why deprive them of that? Make it so that it looks like you did nothing wrong and that the world is a more messed-up place than yourself. For great examples on how to write a note, watch the movie "Heathers". 

When writing yer suicide note, remember to:

1.Use quality pen and paper

Make sure your writing materials are of good quality. It can be very frustrating when you want to kill yourself and your pen doesn't work. Friends and family will appreciate good penmanship. Don't forget you're nothing special and everyone knows it but wouldn't they be surprised to find that you can write neatly.

2.Be innovative!

Try and reach as many people with your suicide note as you can, drawing as much attention to yourself as possible. If you want to be really hardcore, there are a multitude of ways in which you can take advantage of the Internet for maximum exposure. A great example of this is The great emo suicide meme of 2005. Another good way would be to take a page out of Pelle "Dead" Olin's book and say (this only works if you're gonna have a bloody death) "Please excuse all the blood."

3.Chec yor spelinge

Nothing says 'I'm a retarded emofag' more than if you misspell your own name. You want to make your family and friends cry, not laugh! A good solution would be to use MS Word for your note. That way you can use spellcheck, and also ask that annoying bastard, the MS Word paper clip, for help on writing it and/or your act of self pawn.

5.The Last Revenge

Using a catapult, cannon or trebuchet, launch yourself through the window of your most hated enemy (or E-nemy), preferably during some kind of family gathering. You should strike the glass with sufficient force to shred your body. You will leave a bloody trail behind as you sail through the room, before bursting spectacularly when you hit the wall at the back of the room, splattering everything in blood and gore, and leaving a giant blood and gore stain on the area of impact. Try drinking a lot of blue food dye just beforehand for that authentic "Jackson Pollock" effect, where all the blood and gore will be mixed with blue. Do not wear a helmet, jacket, or any thick clothing. For maximum effect, just wear a T-shirt and some thin shorts. You can try going naked, but bloody, shredded bits of clothes only add to the effect.

6.Paracetamol

* Dosage: 15+ grammes, 20+ is better  

* Time: 10 hours fatal damage, but 2 weeks to actually die

* Available: easy to get hold of

* Notes: Once 10-12 hours is up,

* Certainty: fairly reliable

you've had it, but you still live for a week or two after that. Probably better to wait 15 hours just to make sure. Horrible side effects during this time (some ofntra-abdominal bleeding, aspiration pneumonia, haemophilia). Toowhich are: acute toxic hepatitis, renal failure, cerebral oedema,ismall dose causes severe liver damage. Accidental deaths are very common. There are few if any side effects before the damagebecomes fatal; occasionally vomitting and nausea.

Your enemy will have to pay huge amounts to clean and fix up the house, only to sell it on at a huge loss because nobody will want to buy it after such a horrific event. As a bonus, the last thing you see will be the unsuspecting faces of your victims. Bonus points if you traumatize achild. In addition, your little stunt will be talked about on the news for weeks, people all over the world will know your name, and the bloody aftermath will be filmed and will become hits on the Internet.

7.PENCILS UP YOUR NOSE, BANG DOWN ONTO TABLE (urban legend?)

* Time: Seconds or never

* Available: All you need is a couple of sharp pencils and a table

* Certainty: Very uncertain hink, since the pencils would go into your frontal lobes, which

* Notes: This is a myth, It are basically optional. This is theif you want a DIY frontal- lobotomy rather than death!  

* Call legendary "exam suicide".

8.BEING EATEN ALIVE

* Time: depends, but probably a couple of minutes

* Available: zoo, or live in Africa/wherever not hungry and don't finish? basically, find one 

* Certainty: not brilliant.. what if they're or more hungry carnivores... tigers are the big cats.. nice. Also, sharks, lions, any of ....

How to kill a Goldfish!

There's a TV stand in the corner of your living room. On top of the TV is a big, round, transparent bowl filled with water and one tiny goldfish. This is exactly what my living room looked like... at least three days ago! And then bam! I killed my Goldfish. God bless it's tiny soul and save me from hell for committing the unintended murder!

If you ever need lessons to kill your goldfish, then I think the first stop should be me. I can give you ideas. Trust me on that, I have years of experience! Great thing to put on my resumé I tell you! So let me give you a few sample lessons!

Lesson number 1: Food!

Keep it simple and feed your fish. Keep feeding it out of love. And keep on feeding it. I assure you it will die of over-eating! Go ahead and blame it on your love for the fish!

Lesson number 2: A companion

You think your fish is lonely in its glass bowl. You feel so much for it that you decide that it needs some company. You go to the local pet store and pick up salmon or tuna. Lo behold! your goldfish has vanished within the other. You can search for it in the belly of your new salmon/tuna fish!

Lesson number 3: Some sun for the fish

Keep the bowl in the sun for sometime. Let the fish get its share of sunlight and warmth. Just be a little prepared to come back after a while and see all the water in the bowl dried up with your fish lying at the bottom - motionless. Quite a lot of sun it got there!

Lesson number 4: Have a kid around

Just leave a kid loose near the fish bowl and you can see the havoc wreaking right before your eyes. The bowl will be on the floor broken and the fish in the little demon's hands struggling to breathe. Little does the child understand that the goldfish is your pet albeit a very small one and that it is not a plaything!

Lesson number 5: A busy day

Your calendar is full. You do not have time even for yourself. You have been running around all day and come back home and just crash in your bed. Next morning you will just find the mortal remains of a being called the 'Goldfish'. Very effective this method (and the most commonly occurring phenomenon in these times as well).

Lesson number 6: Clumsiness

Just walk past your fish bowl and with the slightest of movements touch it without meaning to. You can watch as in a slow-motion sequence, the bowl tilt first to the left and then to the right, the water splashing over, and then in fast forward - it crashing to the floor before you can blink your eyes. The glass shatters into a million pieces and your goldfish is flopping about helplessly gulping in its last few breaths of oxygen. And before you can get a pan filled with water, your fish, well.. its gone already!

These are but just a few samples. There are many more drastic ways with which you can commit this heinous crime unwittingly and unknowingly! It happens purely out of love for the fish. Your love brims over and takes hold over you and you cannot help but do these things. Just make sure that you do not do it deliberately. Else, you would not be labeled a nice, warm, loving person at all. I can think of much more harsher words for you otherwise!

Do not kill the fish intentionally! Its great to have something to care for.

All you need is three things - A fishbowl, a Goldfish and a big heart filled with lots of love.

CK Z

Indian? you should know these sites..

For the better society, two things that matter the most are,

1. choosing the right person to lead the show and

2. fighting against the corruption.

What if  there is a way, which helps you do both, sitting before your laptop.

Does it sound good?  well, let me introduce you to places on world web, that i think each Indian should at-least know, let alone using them.

 

1. My Neta.Info.

A website which is all about publicly displaying data related to candidates who are contesting both State & National-level elections in India. Site showcases the Profile, Qualifications, Movable and immovable assets, liabilities and  Criminal records.. almost a to z information about our political leaders.       http://myneta.info/

 

2.vigeye.com

This is an initiative by Central Vigilance Commission, where in Citizens can lodge their complaints, online, regarding any corruption. All that you need to do is one time registration here, which gives you access for a web form where in you can type a complaint, which goes to the concerned department. Once you launch a complaint ( you also can attach up to 5 files with the complaint), you can see the status of the complaint when ever you login.  http://www.vigeye.com/

One more like this is PUBLIC GRIEVANCES site, which is run by Department of Administrative Reforms & Public Grievances

Please share this info with your friends and fellow Indians :)