GROOM SHOPPING!

My parents have been shopping a groom for me from the past 11 months to no avail. And it’s driving me nuts!!!

Seriously, it is definitely like shopping. You go looking for a white shirt and all you find are shirts in any other color than white. So you search and search and search. And when you do find the perfect white shirt, it turns out to be a different size after all! Not made for you!! Ugh! Quite irritating!

Over the past 10 months, I have sent my horoscope and photos to exactly 96 guys (the number as of today!). These are just through email. There have been others through post and references and marriage bureaus etc! Not one… not even one has gone through! Either the horoscopes do not match or the guy is not ok, or the guy does not find me ok. God!

Sometimes, when the horoscopes do match and the guy comes home to see me, it gets real hilarious. Especially with the guys’ mothers. There are some real characters there.

There was this guy who had come home whose mum just sat in one corner glaring at the floor with the angriest expression on her face. She did not utter a single word through out the two hours they were at my place. Not even a hello! Then there was this other guy’s mum, she wanted to see inside every room inside de house and open every single wardrobe and peer inside. She even wanted to see inside al the kitchen storage containers but her embarrassed husband pulled her away in time. Another one was a mom who just kept nodding her head to anything and everything you say but will not make a sound. You keep talking and her head will keep on bobbing up and down. I literally had to escape to the kitchen to keep from laughing during these visits from the guy’s side!

Then there are the rejections. Are looks the only thing that is seen in a guy or a girl??? I mean come on, I know am fat, but why is that the only reason guys have to reject me? Fine! You want a slim, fair chick? What are the chances that she wont put on weight or lose hair or turn out to be entirely different than what you thought of her in the first place after marriage? Have any guarantee of that? And what if YOU go bald or fat?? What then? Come on, give me some reasons to reject you guys too apart from ego and a super desire to have a beauty queen as your wife! Let me also reject be and have some of the fun!

Now to top the list, one word: “ASTROLOGERS”.

My horoscope must be lying wasted in a dozen drawers at a dozen astrologers’ houses. All of these astrologers say things that are different from each other’s opinions. Then there are the n number of poojas to be done and even more holy places to visit. It’s gotten to be so much that I have started to feel like I am a senior citizen on a pilgrimage in my old age! Hope God understands the tangled predictions of so many astrologers and weaves some sense out of it!

My parents are ready to weep happy tears the moment I keep my foot in my husband’s house. My relatives are just waiting for me to tie the knot, though I have no clue as to what are they going to gain by that! The only glitch is that there is no groom… yet (yay!). Looks like its going to be quite a long process still. My parents are getting disappointed by the day to be frank. So much for all the predictions according to which I was supposed to be married about 6 months ago. As for me… for all am concerned, my knight shining armor, the man of my parents’ dreams, their model son-in-law, can take all the time in the world to knock on my door! 

By

Chira Kaushik